Journey Out Of The Pit

This blog was born from my own personal battle with anxiety and depression. There was a point in my life, a few years ago, that was so dark and so frightening, I really wasn't sure if I would survive or if I even wanted to. I tried many options based on advice from others such as medical professionals and even well-meaning Christians, but found little to no relief. It seemed I was caught in a pit of no hope, and was destined to live as a victim of circumstances. And as miserable as it was, I had grown weirdly comfortable with this familiar role...the self-proclaimed role of "lifetime victim". Just like the Children of Israel, I feared freedom...freedom from the bondage of a cruel and wicked ruler. I craved the familiar even though it was miserable.

Thankfully, God did not leave me there. "He brought me up also out of that horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock and established my steps. He put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God..." Psalm 40:2-3. On the way up out of that pit, God taught me some very specific lessons and those are the things that I want to share with you. Things that I still use today when the enemy tries to take me hostage with fear and depression...things that really work! This is going to take a series of blogs, and I have decided to start by sharing a couple of things that DO NOT work...I've tried some of them numerous times, and I can tell you, they are not the cure. So, let's get started!

Almost always where you see one, you see the other: anxiety feeds depression and vise versa. Proverbs 12:25 tells us that "Heaviness in the heart of man makes it stoop....". (Literally translated: Anxiety in the heart causes depression) So, what's the answer?
If we were playing the game show Jeopardy, and the answer was "Things that DO NOT work to fix anxiety and depression", the question would be:
What are the quick fix, focus on self, focus on others, and focus on sin, Alex?
These are four things that DO NOT work...let's talk about them in more detail.
The Quick Fix:
What does this mean? One thing I craved was relief. I wanted it now and with as little effort on my part as possible. I was exhausted and didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings, let alone do any work. So, I was on a quest for the quick and easy. If I could just swallow a pill and feel better, that would be the ticket! So, under the care of a doctor, I began taking several types of medication. Some for anxiety and some for depression. I was diagnosed with mood disorder and bipolar...I now had a label! I know these are real conditions, but for me, it was like being branded. Sealed into bondage in a sense. An excuse for spending 18 hours a day in the bed and not taking on any responsibilities for fear that I would have a bad day and let people down. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against medication and in fact, I believe it can be used as a tool. But if you are looking for a quick and easy cure, you will find what I found...disappointment and emptiness. Let me make this very clear. I believe depression is real, I believe it manifests itself physically, and I believe medication can be a tool. But it is not the cure...even if you are medically bipolar, you still have an emptiness that can be filled with only one "thing"...God himself. I'm sure you have seen the commercials for the depression and anxiety medications that say "9 out of 10 people who are taking medication for depression or sadness still experience symptoms". This was true for me...I was medicated and numb, but still empty. It didn't fill the hole in my soul. There came a point when I had no doubt that God was directing me to stop depending on medication and to start depending on Him alone. That being said, I must insert a disclaimer here. If you are taking medication under the care of a physician, I do not recommend that you stop taking it unless you consult the physician and do so under their care and only if you are certain that God is leading you in such a way. Do not feel shame if you are at a place where you need this tool. There is a place for medical intervention and shame only intensifies anxiety and depression.
Let me sum it all up...Sometimes, medication is needed at as a tool to help with symptoms of depression and anxiety. In those times, we should be thankful that it is available and should not feel ashamed. But we should view it as a tool and not the cure because depression and anxiety are spiritual battles and will only be won with spiritual weapons...which I will share in detail in a future blog.
Focus On Self:
Okay, here's another thing I tried...I had several counselors who told me I had to learn to love myself. You need to take care of yourself first and focus on your needs right now. No one will love you if you don't love yourself. Just tell yourself, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and dog-gone-it, I like myself!" Well let me tell you, focus on self does NOT work. Self centered people are not pleasant...they are miserable! We were not created to serve self...we were created to serve God and find acceptance in Him alone. He does love us, even when we're not lovable and even when we don't love ourselves. True happiness comes from focusing on Him which I will cover in detail later...focus on self does not work!
Focus on Others:
If focus on self doesn't work, you would think the obvious answer would be focus on others. Haven't you heard people say, get busy helping someone else and you're problems won't seem very big. It will get your mind off of yourself! Well, there is some truth there and there is a time for that, BUT when you are empty, you have nothing to give others. Many times, under these circumstances, we are trying to earn favor or approval by being a good Samaritan. When you don't get that pat on the back, it can be very discouraging. The truth is, serving others is a natural result of focusing on God and being filled with His goodness and love. But getting this out of order can lead to deeper depression instead of satisfaction and joy.
Focus on Sin:
This one is a little touchy. Is anxiety and depression sin? In His Word, God issued the command to "fear not" more than any other command. He sent His Son that we may have life and have it more abundantly and He said it was impossible to please Him without faith. When we live our lives consumed with depression and anxiety, it is displeasing to God. That being said, well meaning Christians would criticize me for my lack of faith, and tell me I just needed to read my Bible and pray more. There is never reason for a Christian to be without hope, you are obviously not right with God, they would say. Well, there was an element of truth in what they were saying, but though their intentions were good, this caused me to be so focused on my failures and weaknesses, that I found myself deeper in it, than progressing out. Focusing on our sin and weakness DOES NOT fix anxiety and depression.

Chances are, you have tried one or more of these things that don't work...and found the same results that I did. Well, the good news is to follow...in the next several blogs, I'm going to share with you the things that DO work! The things that God used to bring me up out of the pit...and I guarantee that they will work for you too.

Now, this blog entry is exposure at its extreme for me personally. I feel very vulnerable as I share the lesson I am blogging about today. In fact, my blog entries are nothing more than snippets from my personal journal. It is based on lessons that I have learned and am still in the process of learning. There are two reasons I am compelled to write about this particular lesson. First of all, I feel I must expose this, for myself as a form of accountability, and for others because God's Word tells us to admonish one another.

So here it is...I have often wondered how someone (me) could be so prideful and so self-loathing all at the same time. (Hint #1-Self-loathing is focus on self which is pride undercover.) One minute, I feel like I am worthless, and the next minute, I think I'm pretty great. Usually just after this, I make a fool out myself or fall down miserably. I do not want to be this way. I have confessed it many times, believing it was behind me, and without any warning that I could see, there it is again. Pride! In fact, pride is the very reason it is so hard for me to share my struggle in this area. Pride is an abomination to God, it goes before a fall, and it is the hidden root of many sins.

Now, let me say this. Anytime we find ourselves confessing the same sin over and over and repeating it over and over, we must realize that we are only confessing the symptom of a sin. We are not at the root of the problem yet. But God sees the thoughts and intents of the heart, and He is able to uncover the root of the matter if we ask Him to.

As I prayed and asked God to dig up and expose the root, I began to see the deeper issue. I am measuring my value by what I am doing for others and for God, instead of what God has done in me. I would never think that my salvation comes by works because I know the verse in Ephesians 2:9 "Not of works, lest any man should boast." But, somehow, I believe that after salvation, I must DO something to have value to God and to others. We all want to be accepted. We all want to feel favored. But, there is no work we can do to earn favor with God. Our "righteousness" is like filthy rags in His sight. My value lies ONLY in the finished work of God's Son on the cross. Do you see why it is so important for us to see ourselves as Purchased Pearls. We are valuable to God because His Son gave all to purchase us! He showed us favor while we were yet sinners, not when we straightened up and did enough! Great! Right? Well, that brings me to the cold, hard truth as it lies in my heart...I am not nearly as concerned about my value to God as I am the approval of man. Ouch and I mean ouch! I hate to admit this so much I am literally flinching as I write it.

Take a look at this. Here is one way it is showing up in my life...I need to feel valuable so I get real busy, do good things and impress my peers. I get that pat on the back and I do "feel" valuable, but because that feeling of value is based on my works, I am plunged into pride. "Look what I have done. I'm pretty valuable and special!" It is a vicious cycle and it makes me sick and embarrassed to put it in writing! But it is reality. That's one reason salvation can not be based on our works. If we could do something righteous enough to get into Heaven, we would be so puffed up with pride, we would be of no use on this earth. (Eph 2:9)

I can not live a victorious Christian life if I only believe what I feel or see. The instant reward of man's approval feels good, but it does not require faith. And it is impossible to please God without faith. Jesus taught that if we do the right thing for the praise of man, we have our reward. That's it! No incorruptible treasure laid up in heaven...it is spent. I just wonder how many treasures I have squandered for the instant gratification of man's pat on the back. My prayer is that we will place our faith in God's Son and allow the favor of the Cross to be enough.


***If you do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, if you do not know for sure that you will go to Heaven when you die, then let me tell you how it easy it is to get that settled today! Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus (that He died to pay for your sins), and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved! If you have any questions, I would love to hear from you! You can email me at timldodd@yahoo.com, or post a comment on this entry. All Heaven rejoices when one gets saved!

Heart Attack!

I didn't have chest pains or shortness of breath or any other symptoms that commonly go with a heart attack. Of course, this wasn't your typical heart attack.

Have you ever remembered a mistake from the past that made you just want to crawl under something and hope that the ground swallowed you up? Have you left a gathering and critically analyzed everything you said and did, wishing you would have shut up long before you did? Have you ever wondered what you had to offer or what purpose you could serve on this earth, always feeling like you just don't quite measure up?

I can answer yes to all of that! And you know what I thought? At one point, I believed I truly was worthless, and later I thought it was an attack of the enemy, the accuser of the brethren...you guessed it...satan. The truth is, it may have been satan on some occasions, but what I didn't consider, was that it could be "the other accuser"...my heart! I didn't consider that my own heart could be attacking me!

I John 3:20 says that our hearts condemn (accuse) us. Who knew? We can be our own worst enemy.

Verse 19 says that we know we are of the truth (If we are a child of God we are of Jesus, the way the TRUTH, and the life) and we should persuade our hearts of it, because when our hearts aren't accusing us, we can have confidence in God! (vs. 21) So, what do I use to persuade my heart?
EVIDENCE!

I like word pictures, and I think of a court room scene here. The accuser (satan or my heart-which ever is attacking me at the time) is on one side and the defendant (me and my representative, Jesus) is on the other. The Judge, God, is sitting at an enormous bench at the front of the room wearing a robe with gavel in hand. The hearing begins. The accuser glares at me and begins to charge at me with accusations. Some of them are true. My face is hot as I look at the Judge, but there is no expression on His face. Just as I'm preparing to receive the anger and punishment that is sure to come, my Representative stands up and yells, "Objection! I've already paid the penalty for that offense". Then He presents the evidence: scars in the palms of His hands. The judge doesn't look at me at all! He looks right at the evidence and says, "Sustained. Case dismissed." Case after case, accusation after accusation, and it always ends this way. When the Judge looks at me, He doesn't see my offences. He sees the blood of His Son and my Representative.

WOW! That is GOOD stuff!

Unfortunately, it is SO hard for us to really get this concept. It seems too good to be true and we have learned to be cynical of things that seem too good. I encourage you to really meditate on this and let it sink in because when we can truly understand how God sees us, we learn to live in victory! I get so excited and humbled and amazed every time I picture Jesus Christ presenting His blood to my Heavenly Father as the payment for my sins.

Have you ever heard someone say, "Trust your heart" or "Follow your heart"? According to God's Word, the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. (Jeremiah 17:9)
You know what that tells me? I don't need to let my heart persuade me, I must learn to persuade my heart, using the evidence found in God's Word.

According to I John 3:22, when our hearts are not condemning us , we can have confidence in God and whatever we ask of Him, we receive. We can go to Him boldly.

So...let's do a spiritual check-up. Are you experiencing this kind of heart attack? Treat it using the prescription found in I John 3. Persuade it, using the same evidence that is good enough for an Almighty Judge and learn to live in victory and confidence!

I John 3:19-22
And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure (persuade) our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

Judge Not!

Possibly, one of the most misused and misunderstood terms in the Christian language is the one that says, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Many times, it is used by someone who has been confronted about a wrong doing. It is followed up by something like, "Until you are sinless, don't point out what I'm doing wrong." What does the Bible say about it? Well, let me make it very clear, I'm not a Bible scholar, but I have asked God for wisdom in this area and I will share with you what He has shared with me.

As Christians, we have a responsibility to share the Truth with the non-believing, (Romans 10 tells us they can't call on Someone they haven't heard of and they'll never hear if no one tells them. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God.) We also have a responsibility to encourage and edify fellow believers. (Eph. 4:15 talks about speaking the truth in love, and Galatians 6 talks about restoring someone who has been overtaken in a fault or who strays from the Truth.) No where in Scripture does it say that a person must be perfect and sinless to do these two things. It would certainly be wise to examine our own life to be sure there isn't a glaring fault that would discredit our efforts, but when God hand picked His apostles, they were far from perfect and He still uses imperfect people today. Praise the Lord for that!!!

Now where do we step over the line into judging?

Let's think about the job of a judge. A judge has a couple of responsibilities: To use the law to decide if a person is guilty and to assign punishment and see that it is carried out if that person is found to be guilty. John, chapter 8 gives an account of a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees and Scribes believed themselves to be the most spiritual and they immediately brought the woman to Jesus. Not for healing, not for restoration, but because they wanted to be sure that she was punished for her sin. They even made a suggestion as to what punishment should be issued. What was Jesus' reaction? Verse seven says that He stood up and said, "He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her." According to Scripture, you do have to perfect to convict and decide punishment for someone in a spiritual sense. These jobs belong only to a holy God.

They could have went to her lovingly but they didn't. They could have pointed her to Jesus for forgiveness, which was the whole reason Jesus was on the earth. But they didn't. Their spirit was all wrong. Most likely, they forgot that they too fell short of the glory of God. If they happened to remember that they had sin, they probably compared it to hers and decided that their sin was somehow less offensive to God.

We can, however, and should, proclaim the Truth to all that God leads in our path. Why? Because the truth will set them free!! The key is what spirit you do it in. The only effective way is in love. I Cor. 13 tells us that the good things we do must be done in love, or it has no profit or effectiveness.

It isn't time for Christians to back down. We should be bold in sharing God's Word. In order to so, we must first know what His Word says. Satan and even unbelievers use Scripture, and if we don't know it, we will be tossed to and fro. Ephesians 4:14-15 says we need to quit being immature Christians, tossed to and fro and blown away by every wind of doctrine and by the trickery of men and cunning craftiness. They are trying to deceive us. Instead, we need to speak the truth in love and grow up into Him in all things. (paraphrased...please read for yourself) Boldness comes from confidence. Confidence comes from knowing the facts. If I focus on myself, I can't be bold because I hear Satan reminding me of all the reasons I am not worthy to speak God's Word. But, if I focus on what I know to be true about God, I can proclaim truth with all confidence!!

"Time to Clean House"

"God, I ask you to bless both of them and help them. Lead them to do what is right. In Jesus' name, Amen." That was the prayer prayed by a friend of mine about her husband and the woman he left her for after 25 years of marriage. Her testimony goes on to explain how, as soon as she was done praying that prayer, God let her know that it wasn't what He was looking for. "I don't know what you want from me, God! You say in your Word that we are to bless them that curse us and pray for them that despitefully use us. Well, that's what I'm doing and now you are telling me you won't accept my prayer? What do you want?" God's response was simple. "I want what's in there...I want what's in your heart."
"Okay! Here it is!", she responded and she began to pour out her heart to God. She told Him about the anger and how she wanted to die. She told Him she was afraid and alone. She told Him it wasn't suppose to be this way and she wanted to hurt the woman who tore her children's daddy away from their family. Everything was laid out on the tear stained floor of her bedroom. Her very heart was lying there, bare and exposed. And guess what. The healing began!
God took those pieces of her broken heart and began to mend and heal it. He let her know that it wasn't okay what happened to her...His dear precious child. He let her know that He saw every single tear she cried and was holding them in the palm of His hand. He let her know that He would never leave her nor forsake her.
God is not looking for prayers of fancy words. We don't need to place our pain in pretty packages before we present them to God. Certainly, we should come reverently to the throne of a Holy God, but we should also come boldly to find help in time of need! (Hebrews 4:16)
It's time to clean house. Go in the closets of your heart and empty them out at the feet of your Father. Doing anything less, is squandering the gift God gave us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Because of what He did for us on The Cross, we CAN come straight to God to find grace, mercy and help!! We don't need a priest or anyone else.
Oh, we are all tempted to call up someone, whose voice we can hear audibly, to share our troubles with. And sometimes that is okay...it just shouldn't be our first, and certainly not our only, reaction in the face of hardship. It may seem impractical to talk to Someone we can't see...it requires faith. It was hard for me at first. It went against what I believed prayer was about. It was SO hard for me to understand that God wanted to have that kind of relationship with ME! I could never express to God that I had angry feelings about something. But, He certainly knows it's there whether I tell Him or not. He wants me to give it to Him so He can change it and heal it! WOW! No one was more surprised than me! I was so excited about this new way to communicate with my Heavenly Father, that I dug out stuff that has been weighing me down for years. I got real honest with myself and real honest with God. The healing was refreshing, peaceful, wonderful, awesome, and amazing! I hope you'll try it for yourself.
Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." (Meditate on this)

If You Don't Run...You Can't Win!

Month after month, and still no change. Prayer after prayer, and still no answer. That's it! I see no logic in continuing...I quit!
I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean in a rowboat paddling my heart out...going around and around in circles. I was pretty sure I would never get to the other side at this rate. Paddling harder only sent me in circles faster. I had done all I could do and my decision was made...I would spend my time and energy on something worth while instead of on something that was destined for failure. The problem was...I never asked God what His will was. I just let logic lead the way!
Logic is a funny thing...I learned. It's not the basis that God works on. I'm sure it didn't seem logical to the children of Israel when they were running for their lives from Pharoah and his army, and God led them to the banks of an enormous sea. I'm sure it didn't seem logical to the disciples as they looked at five thousand hungry people, and Jesus told them to bring Him 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The Bible is full of miracles and not one of them is logical. We forget that God is SO much bigger than logic.
We are faced with a difficult situation and immediately, we begin to beg God to make it easier. But, what if He is setting us up for a miracle? I once heard it said like this, "If a situation is not too big for us, then it is too small to become a miracle". We have to encounter situations that overwhelm us, before we can see how mighty and awesome God is.
Here I was..in the midst of an impossible situation by human standards. I had exhausted all of my options and came up short. So, what did I do? I summed up the situation, told God what He needed to do, and when He didn't do it...I freaked out and prepared to bail out! (Ain't that a hoot? I couldn't work it out, so I told God how He should work it out. )
The Bible puts it like this...we are in a race and we are to persevere. We are to run it to win the prize. When we don't see the finish line...we keep on running. When it seems like there is no hope of winning...we keep on running. Remember the movie Chariots of Fire? I'm like the character, Harold Abrahams... he said, "I run to win. If I can't win, I won't run!" When I see no hope or suffer a set-back, I want to quit...but remember his girlfriend's response? "If you don't run, you can't win."
Yeah, we are to run it to win it...but how does dropping out of the race accomplish that? How ironic, that I would be so afraid to fail, that I would take the only path to failure...quitting.
Let's keep on running...seeing those impossible hurdles as opportunities for miracles...living not by logic but by faith!!!!

The Potter Knows the Clay.

*Song-"The Potter knows the Clay"

Recently, I was involved in two events that both had a "tea party" theme. As I reflected on the teapot, my mind went to several verses in the Bible that refers to us as vessels. Just like the teapot is filled and used to serve others, God desires for each of us to be filled with his Spirit so we can serve others; so he can use us to pour out His love into others.

The Potter is fashioning each of His vessels for an exact purpose. He is forming us and molding us and refining us in the fire of trials. He knows just how much pressure to apply and how many times we have to go around His wheel, before we are ready to be a vessel of honor and beauty. Sometimes, we feel like we will break or burn up in the fire...sometimes we scream out for Him to stop, but He continues His loving work. Sometimes, we look at the progress and we think He's made a mistake or it seems like the pain has lasted too long and He's forgotten about us. But, Isaiah 29:16 says, "Surely you have things turned around; shall the potter be esteemed like the clay; for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing formed say of him that formed it, He had no understanding?" The Potter knows the clay!

Sometimes, the Potter has to break the vessel in order to remake it to fit His plan. Sometimes our vessels get damaged when someone abuses it or mistreats it, and sometimes we make mistakes that cause our vessel to become weak and cracked. The psalmist wrote, "I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel." Psalm 31:12.
Have you felt the pain spoken in that verse? I certainly have...I sat on the shelf, broken and filthy and unusable for several years. But...and this is the good part... II Timothy 2:21 says, "If a man therefore purge (cleanse) himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honor, sanctified (set apart), and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work." It doesn't say, "unless you are too filthy or too broken". The Potter specializes in changing worthless into precious, guilty to forgiven, hungry into satisfied, empty into full...He specializes in changing broken into beautiful.
Friend, I don't know where you are at. I don't know if you are going through the fire of financial troubles, or health problems, or the loss of a loved one, or an unexpected tragedy. But I do know that the Potter has planned a beautiful design. You may not be able to see it right now because of the flames and the pain, but you will. You may be empty right now, but He is going to fill you and use you for something beautiful. Trust the Potter...because He knows the clay!
Isaiah 64:8 But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of they hand.