Now, this blog entry is exposure at its extreme for me personally. I feel very vulnerable as I share the lesson I am blogging about today. In fact, my blog entries are nothing more than snippets from my personal journal. It is based on lessons that I have learned and am still in the process of learning. There are two reasons I am compelled to write about this particular lesson. First of all, I feel I must expose this, for myself as a form of accountability, and for others because God's Word tells us to admonish one another.

So here it is...I have often wondered how someone (me) could be so prideful and so self-loathing all at the same time. (Hint #1-Self-loathing is focus on self which is pride undercover.) One minute, I feel like I am worthless, and the next minute, I think I'm pretty great. Usually just after this, I make a fool out myself or fall down miserably. I do not want to be this way. I have confessed it many times, believing it was behind me, and without any warning that I could see, there it is again. Pride! In fact, pride is the very reason it is so hard for me to share my struggle in this area. Pride is an abomination to God, it goes before a fall, and it is the hidden root of many sins.

Now, let me say this. Anytime we find ourselves confessing the same sin over and over and repeating it over and over, we must realize that we are only confessing the symptom of a sin. We are not at the root of the problem yet. But God sees the thoughts and intents of the heart, and He is able to uncover the root of the matter if we ask Him to.

As I prayed and asked God to dig up and expose the root, I began to see the deeper issue. I am measuring my value by what I am doing for others and for God, instead of what God has done in me. I would never think that my salvation comes by works because I know the verse in Ephesians 2:9 "Not of works, lest any man should boast." But, somehow, I believe that after salvation, I must DO something to have value to God and to others. We all want to be accepted. We all want to feel favored. But, there is no work we can do to earn favor with God. Our "righteousness" is like filthy rags in His sight. My value lies ONLY in the finished work of God's Son on the cross. Do you see why it is so important for us to see ourselves as Purchased Pearls. We are valuable to God because His Son gave all to purchase us! He showed us favor while we were yet sinners, not when we straightened up and did enough! Great! Right? Well, that brings me to the cold, hard truth as it lies in my heart...I am not nearly as concerned about my value to God as I am the approval of man. Ouch and I mean ouch! I hate to admit this so much I am literally flinching as I write it.

Take a look at this. Here is one way it is showing up in my life...I need to feel valuable so I get real busy, do good things and impress my peers. I get that pat on the back and I do "feel" valuable, but because that feeling of value is based on my works, I am plunged into pride. "Look what I have done. I'm pretty valuable and special!" It is a vicious cycle and it makes me sick and embarrassed to put it in writing! But it is reality. That's one reason salvation can not be based on our works. If we could do something righteous enough to get into Heaven, we would be so puffed up with pride, we would be of no use on this earth. (Eph 2:9)

I can not live a victorious Christian life if I only believe what I feel or see. The instant reward of man's approval feels good, but it does not require faith. And it is impossible to please God without faith. Jesus taught that if we do the right thing for the praise of man, we have our reward. That's it! No incorruptible treasure laid up in heaven...it is spent. I just wonder how many treasures I have squandered for the instant gratification of man's pat on the back. My prayer is that we will place our faith in God's Son and allow the favor of the Cross to be enough.


***If you do not know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, if you do not know for sure that you will go to Heaven when you die, then let me tell you how it easy it is to get that settled today! Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus (that He died to pay for your sins), and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved! If you have any questions, I would love to hear from you! You can email me at timldodd@yahoo.com, or post a comment on this entry. All Heaven rejoices when one gets saved!